This week, Terry sat down with Brenda, Writer of Then and Now and this is what she had to say.
WVQN: Describe the first encounter you had with a woman? How did it change your life?
My first lesbian sexual encounter that defined my sexuality was at the age of twelve. She was fourteen and claimed my heart. I felt like I had found the secret reason for living. I had a peace that I had never had before.
WVQN: How do you feel about gay rights, do you feel the country is taking away our basic rights?
I think the term gay right’s has a separatist ring to it even though I use it sometimes. I prefer the term civil rights. I do not want special treatment, just the rights that are written into our U S Constitution. There has been progress since the 1960’s when I first became an activist. I look around and see the changes, but we are losing ground in some areas and that makes me angry. We cannot let our guard down especially when we are being thrown crumbs. We must continue the fight against bigotry and hatred. Too, many of our sisters and brothers have given their lives for the cause over the years. I don’t want their sacrifices to be forgotten or in vain.
WVQN: How did you become associated with the magazine?
I found WVQN on a goggle search and had been reading it for a little while. There was an invitation to anyone who wanted to write a column. After my initial contact it took me a couple months to make a commitment to do it. I had never written for the public and wondered if I was good enough. I decided to try because I love the written word and I have stories to tell.
WVQN: How has this experience and these people changed your life?
I love writing my column Then and Now. I had gotten a little too complacent. Writing about the changes in our community over the years compared with today stimulates my mind. I can share my desire to keep our herstory alive. I was blessed and won the 2008 Up and Coming Writer Terry Award. What a confidence builder that was for me. Thank you, readers.
WVQN: You write from the heart and the community loves your work. What is it that you think makes the LGBT community respond so well to you?
I do write from my heart. I have no professional training as a writer and my punctuation is not so great. Sometimes I am accused of telling too much about my personal life. How can I write about issues that concern me without saying why they do? When I take a stand, it is a personal as well as a publicly political one. I think the LGBT community response is so positive because I am real, true to myself and community while standing tall and proud. They sense there is nothing fake about me.
WVQN: Tell us about Then and Now, where did it come from and how do you feel you connect with it?
The title for my column came from a desire to let the younger generations know how it was before and after Stonewall. Those that have come out in the last ten years or so have little or no knowledge of our herstory. Much of it has been lost. As I said before, I lived through a lot of it and this column lets me share that information with others.
WVQN: What advice would you give a parent of a gay child who is having a tough time accepting their child’s sexual orientation?
I would tell them to continue to love their child unconditionally. I would encourage them to educate themselves and give them a resource list that tells the truth about LGBT issues and lifestyles. Remind them that the child must have a lot of love for them and trust in them to share such a potentially explosive subject. That they want to be part of a family who treats them with respect and love as they embrace their true selves.
WVQN: What have been some of the negative responses to you from the community and how have you dealt with them? Have they made you more determined or have they brought you down?
Mostly, the responses have been positive. Recently, I have received some interesting mail, underlined with hatred. A couple weeks ago I sent in a copy of an editorial I had written to the Charleston Gazette about a situation that happen to a four year old boy at the Pride Parade and Celebration. Since then, I have gotten a few hate filled emails which I read and deleted. I got mail at my home address that was filled with hatred. No out right threats of violence because they certainly know the law. I talked to some friends about them. Also a couple neighbors who I trust so they can keep an eye open. I knew that was a possibility when I put my whole name on the editorial. I will not compromise my principles because of fear. I will proceed with caution as I continue to fight the evil bigoted people in this world. Their hate makes me stronger and more determined to carry the flag into battle.
WVQN: Do you think the community is too hard on one another?
Yes and no. I say yes, because we as a community don’t really listen to each other and are often distrustful of each other. Separate little groups with slightly different agendas with little interaction except for Pride stuff. That makes it harder to be an effective activist. I say no it isn’t too hard because we need to be more accountable to the community at large not just our personal comfort group (zone). I would love to see us interact more. Check out what other groups, churches and organizations are doing. Supporting our sisters, brothers and allies will only make us stronger. It will take us all working together to win and keep our civil rights.
WVQN: Tell us some of your own challenges in your life. How have bad times made you a stronger and ultimately, a better person?
I am a survivor of childhood abuse and had a lot of trauma to work through. When I was fifteen, my girlfriend and I were raped and beaten for holding hands walking down the street. I was so afraid I hid, got married, had a child and divorced by 1968. I came out of hiding in the fall before the Stonewall Rebellion. I have lived as a lesbian ever since.
My experiences have given me the opportunity to meet and interact with many different types of people. I learned not to judge others, that we are all human beings. We all have the same emotions, feelings and desire to be loved unconditionally. All the hate directed toward me only made me more caring, loving, tolerant and compassionate. I say you do not have to like me, but you will treat me with the respect I deserve as one of God’s children.
WVQN: Who do you most admire in the world and why?
My deceased Grandmother, Flotie. She was a first grade dropout who was needed at home. She taught herself to read and write. My love of reading and desire to write came from her. When I was 16 she told me to be true to myself and it was okay to be a lesion (lesbian). She may not have known the right word, but she knew what she was talking about. A little later I took her advice and stopped hiding. I miss her very much and I know she is proud of the way I am living my life.
WVQN: Tell us about the significant other in your life and how she impacts your writing ability and what’s in store for the two of you?
I am not in a relationship right now. My last partner killed herself 3 ½ years ago. We had already parted before it happened. I have to make sure I dealt with all the ramifications that caused me. I realize I could not have saved her. Loving her was not enough.
I do have a very close friend and we are exploring the possibility of deepening our relationship. She came through a difficult breakup about six months ago and is still healing. Our friendship is too important to both of us to put it in danger because we move to quickly. So we are just taking our time and enjoying each others company. If we fall on love okay, if not, we really want to maintain our friendship.
WVQN: What can we look forward to in the next few weeks and thanks for the interview? Stay tuned to her column, Then and Now.
I’ll be sharing more of our herstory. I’ve so much I want to write about that I have a hard time choosing a particular topic. I would like suggestions from you, my readers, if you have a particular topic they want me to write about. After doing research what I do decide to write about I usually set down at my computer, say a pray asking for wisdom, and start typing.
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